It Takes a Village

Elle had school today and like any typical Monday, while Elle is at school, I make my rounds of phone calls to my girlfriends. Checking in on my friends who have become my Long Island family is a Monday ritual. Not being from the area, it has been a blessing to have found true and amazing friends that I can count on. Whether it is a mundane Monday or a hectic Thursday, building this network has made my life as a mom a million times easier. These are safe, comforting, amazing women who at the drop of a hat I would leave my babies with and feel utterly relaxed. Thankfully they have made living away from my family somewhat bearable.

Three years ago when Ella was only 4 months old I attended a Gymboree Music and Play class. There, I met some women who were all going through the same things I was. We all had our first babies, 4 months old, sleepless nights, some juggling work, some juggling being a SAHM for the first time, all equally as devoted to their new babies as I was. I felt like I could breathe, I wasn't all alone on this Island! It started off small. Going over to the local coffee house, sharing stories of "cluster feeding", gassiness and the dreaded teething. A group of women experiencing the exact same things at the exact same time, it felt serendipitous.

It grew from coffee houses to our houses. Rotating every Friday hosting play-dates at homes and parks. Now, 3 years later and still going strong. We have evolved, adding children and adding friends, but never have we lost sight of this special bond. Our children have become cousins and it feels like we have become sisters. All of our connections are unique and often dependent on schedules. But it is so rare to find a group of people you can trust with your children. Never questioning their love and loyalty to your family.

My number one recommendation to new Moms, is to put yourself out there. Try to get out and meet Moms with babies the same age as yours. You will find that the things you have in common, can make those sleepless nights much easier to bear. You may even find that in those moments of bonding over war wounds, a different kind of friendship can form, one based solely on family, a new kind of family.

Mommy Mantra: Make your kids an incredible Part of your life, not your WHOLE life.

Tonight I made fried eggplant with angel-hair pasta and semi home-made tomato sauce. Half roasted tomatoes and garlic half store bought sauce - makes for a homemade feel in half the time. This is a favorite of the girls.

Freeze dance and WINO WEDNESDAY!

Fa fa fa fa fa fa freeze dance! Anyone with toddlers/pre-schoolers knows this jingle all too well. "The Fresh Beat Band" on Nick Jr. has this annoyingly addicting song. The episode seems to be on ALL the time. It is also a great game to play with the kiddos when they start to get too rambuncious at a playdate. They stop and focus and for a minute you can captivate a crowd of 3 year olds simply by saying "FREEZE!". Genius.

Today I wanted to stop the music and freeze a moment in time. I have a lot of those lately, but during this particular one I could feel myself trying to will time to stand still. With all my might I couldn't and the moment passed. I said in my head, "remember this." I'm putting it in my blog so just that can happen. So I can remember.

My girls are growing so fast and playing more and more together everyday. Becoming the best friends I dreamed them to be. Today I was folding laundry in their bedroom. The girls were in the hallway looking at books and being silly. Then I hear Ella say, "Lily, do you want to go to school with me someday?"

I could see them, but they had their back to me, so I could freely enjoy the cuteness without disturbing their chit chat. I held my breath half waiting for Lily (16 months) to respond.

Lily looked up at Ella, then Ella proceeded with "You could sit with me and my friends on the bus, Lily." "Would you like that Lily?" Lily just smiled, looked up at Ella and said "TUTU!" As she held up her favorite book, "I Wear My Tutu Everywhere." Ella took the book, opened it and sat down flipping through the pictures with Lily watching.

It is moments like that, that I would give any amount of money to have a video camera permanently glued to my hand. I am so afraid I will forget. I want to be old and grey and have clear memories of this time in my life. So I blog and I write it down in their journals too. Mostly though, I would love to rewind and watch it all again. It is so easy to get caught up in the mundane everyday and not appreciate the here and now.

Mommy Mantra - Make your kids an incredible Part of your life, not your WHOLE life.

Wino Wednesdays!

This Week's Wine
Cupcake Vineyards - Red Velvet $10 plus 15% off coupon!

Hmmmmm. Not sure about this one. My local vino hook-up (Grape Culture) had a %15 off coupon so I thought I would give it a go. Night #1, I had a glass without food and I was not happy. Not at all. Too sweet and blah, no oomph. Night #2 I drank a glass with a nice steak dinner. It was a whole new experience. Delicious and balanced and the perfect partner for my meal. So for me, this is not a stand out, and certainly not a wine to drink without gnashing on something carnivorous.

http://www.cupcakevineyard.com/wines/reds/red-velvet/

Tis the Season to be Cozy.

Rainy and cold, the cusp of fall. This time of year, this is all I want and need;

a giant bread bowl filled with soup,
my bathrobe,
slippers, one pink, one black, I couldn't find either match.
mugs of coffee the size of my head,
soft scarves,
snuggly babies
and a good cozy couch to soak it all up in.

Fall is my season.

Mommy Mantra: Make your kids an incredible part of your life, not your WHOLE life.

I have no parenting anecdotes tonight, just a yummy semi-homemade dinner I would like to share. Ella found this to be unappealing. Lily, Don and I gobbled it up. 3 out of 4 ain't bad.

Butternut Squash, roasted corn and black bean soup in an acorn squash bowl. Ok, so acorn squash is NOT a bread bowl by any stretch of imagination, but this Mama of two is cutting carbs. It was delish! Eat the soup and bowl! Yummmm. Wish I took a picture, it was so pretty.

Sometimes you just HAVE to be a toilet

In our family, our kids are rarely called by their names. Ella's first nicknames were Butter, Butterino, Puppadino, One Sock Sally... These days Ella goes by Mrs. Melindez. To understand these names, you need to know my husband. Even when you know my husband you probably still won't understand. I should know I'm trying to figure it out everyday.

On a road trip Ella decided she didn't want to be called Mrs. Melindez anymore. So Don asked her, what she wanted her nickname to be. She looked in the rearview mirror at him looking at her and said with all seriousness, "Fire".

She then named Lily "Farm Animal" and Daddy became "Choo Choo Train". She seemed satisfied with all of these names and settled back into her car seat and looked out the window.

Don yelled into the back, "but what about Mommy?"

Ella perked up and said loudly, "Mommy is Toilet".

Don immediately turned purple. He was laughing so hard but no sound was coming out. He just looked at me. I was speechless. I asked her to repeat it just incase she actually said what I thought she said.

"Mommy you are Toilet."


She was all matter of fact, like this is a perfectly fine nickname for the mother who gave birth to all 9.5 pounds of her. Nice, real nice Ella.

So, Fire, Farm Animal, Choo Choo Train and Toilet continued on our car ride. Eventually I got a new nickname, but I have a feeling Toilet will stick around for a few years, especially if my hubby has anything to do with it.

Mommy Mantra- Make your kids an incredible Part of your life, not your WHOLE life.

Tonight the kids ate without Don and I. We both had late lunches so I cooked just for the girls. My girls LOVE salmon, so I bought these salmon patties from Whole Foods, they heat up really nice and it’s an easy go to meal for me. Salmon patties, cannelloni beans and peas; I know, it sounds terrible. To my defense, Lily ate her whole plate and then some. Ella ate all her salmon and peas and promised me she would eat the beans for lunch tomorrow. SO cute.

Laurie Berkner vs. Natalie Merchant - or maybe both?

Car rides with toddlers can be ear splitting, nauseating and exhausting. Before Ella was born my husband and I went on a road trip with my husband's family. The kids are sweet, and so much fun to be around always - but were not lovers of the car. I sat in the way back of their mini van in the hot Florida heat sandwiched between two other people. Their 4 year old (hes 11 now) was not a fan of this car ride. He was crying, wailing, unhappy to his core. My brother-in-law, the master builder that he is jerry rigged a small TV between the two front seats. For 5 hours we heard and watched some version of Barney. It quieted that unhappy 4 year-old into a peaceful state, with dancing dinosaurs and strangely dressed pre-teens singing feel good songs. I locked this memory away and thought, my kids are going to listen to MY music. My car, no wait my house will definitely be a NO BARNEY zone. Oh, how I wish I was right.

Flash forward 7 years later to my 3 year old, Ella hopping in the car happily and then she lowers the boom -"I want Laurie Berkner Mommy". Today's version of Barney...no dinosaur, much easier on the ears but still painful nonetheless.

How did I get here?
I was a lover of Pink Floyd, Dave Matthews Band, Guster, Dispatch, Jack Johnson, my list goes on. I was a music buff. Here is where my Mommy Mantra has to come into play. We take turns with the radio, I'll painfully sit through hearing the same songs a few times in a row and then I'll say Mommy's turn! Today I popped in my Mumford and Son's CD - amazing. I get half way through the song and I hear in the back - "Excuse me, my turn Mom!"
Ella's latest thing is to say excuse me 500 times, until you stop, make eye contact and really listen. Needless to say you can't do this while driving, so usually I cave and switch it back to one her her CDs. Not today, I really was in a groove. Then I heard it, "How about Natalie Merchant?"

Hubbawhat?

I hear it again, "Excuse me Mom, how about Natalie Merchant?"
The clouds parted, the angels sang, I had done my job as a music buff. I had created a child with great taste in music! She then suggests "Slip sliding away"? (Paul Simon) I could not believe my ears. I switched on Natalie Merchant and looked in my rearview mirror as Ella sat back peacefully in her car seat. Na na na na na na na

Mommy Mantra Moment - Make your kids an incredible Part of your life, not your WHOLE life.

Im posting what my kids eat for dinner every night. I want to try to inspire people to think outside the box in feeding your kiddos. From when Ella was a tiny baby we fed her everything, basically we'd cook what we like to eat and chop it up. Tonight I tried my hand again at a Tyler Florence recipe - Chicken Francaise with roasted brussel sprouts and spaghetti. Ella ate more brussel sprouts than both my husband and I and I looked over to see Lily inhaling the yummy sprouts. Ella got ice cream again tonight - she was happy.

A stay at home Mom's how-to guide to making your kids part of your life, not you WHOLE life.

Comments from friends and family that inspired me to write this blog; 

"Your kids are so good"

"so well adjusted"

"how do you get them to sit through a whole meal?"

"When you put them to bed, they stay?"

"Lily ate artichokes, chicken and sundried tomatoes for dinner, wtf all my kid ate was frozen french fries straight from the freezer!"

"we are going to Disney and you are taking the kids to a bed and breakfast?"

"Just got back from Applebees again and you are coming back from a steakhouse with BOTH girls...(frustrated grunts)"

Can you hear me patting myself on the back??? I know this will come back to bite me when my girls are teenagers, but for right now, I bask in the glow of these kind words. 

I realized quickly that friends, family, strangers and pretty much anyone who has children seem to constantly bend to their every whim. This is what a good parent should do, right? Become selfless, start only going out to diners and family friendly chain restaurants, stop going on beach vacations and instead head straight to Disney. Im sure we will be heading to Disney in the near future - Im not knocking Disney, its a magical place and I cant wait to see it through Ella's eyes.  However we could easily take a luxury cruise and live like royalty for what we end up spending at 3 days in Disney. I digress.

A little intro to who I am. I have two young girls - Ella is 3 and Lily is 9 months. Im 27 years old and have been married for 5 years. Becoming a young mom 3 years ago I couldnt haven been more excited. When my friends who were still in the single, partying phase would say - "wow I can't even imagine becoming a parent right now." I would defensively adapt this tag line that morphed into a philosophy and ultimately a parenting style. This style seems to be a unique point of view, so I've observed.

Make your kids an incredible PART of your life not your WHOLE life.  - There it is, my mantra that guides me in being the best mom and family that we can be. 

Sounds much easier said than done. Basically I vowed not to stop doing the things my husband I love to do, but instead to incorporate our kids into our existing life. We are not going bar hopping until 5am, lounging on beaches whenever we feel like it and we certainly arent having 3 hour long dinners at the high end restaurants. Good food - thats where our money always goes. However, we are taking our kids to Vineyards, concerts, long hikes, Cafes and of course Restaurants known for one thing, good food - not the toy that comes at the end.

It may sound like I tote my child to do all the things I want to do and dont embrace the greatest part of parenthood - watching your children soak up something they truly love. I have done every Mommy and Me / Gymboree / My Gym / Music Together / Story Time etc. I constantly take my girls to The Library, Zoos and Nature Preserves. I try to keep things on a sliding scale - we may spend one day out at a vineyard playing and exploring, listening to good music and spending time with friends. The next day might be spent going to two birthday parties where face painting and music makes your head spin for hours, but thats parenthood. Its trying to find the balance between who you were and becoming the best FAMILY you can be. 

Stay tuned to hear my tips, advice, listen to my stories of failed mantra moments and come on this ever evolving journey of parenthood as I experience it first hand.